1. Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
2. Talk is cheap. Show me the code.
3. First learn computer science and all the theory. Next develop a programming style. Then forget all that and just hack.
4. One man’s crappy software is another man’s full time job.
5. Most good programmers do programming not because they expect to get paid or get adulation by the public, but it is fun to program.
6. There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
7. When someone says, “I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done,” give him a lollipop.
8. Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
9. Perfection [in design] is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is noting left to take away.
10. Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
11. Measuring programming progress by the lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
12. Good design adds value faster than it adds cost.
13. Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file.
14. The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late.
16. Programs must be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.
17. First, solve the problem. Then, write the code.John Johnson
18. Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.Oscar Wilde
19. Every piece of software written today is likely going to infringe on someone else’s patent.Miguel de Icaza
20. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.Unknown
21. Computers do not solve problems, they execute solutions.Unknown
22. I have NOT lost my mind—I have it backed up on tape somewhere.Unknown
23. If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough.Unknown
24. It works on my machine.Unknown
25. Java is, in many ways, C++??.Unknown
26. Keyboard not found…Press any key to continue.Unknown
27. Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code.Unknown
28. Mac users swear by their Mac, PC users swear at their PC.Unknown
29. Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. “No” is the answer.Unknown
30. MS-DOS isn’t dead, it just smells that way.Unknown
31. Only half of programming is coding. The other 90% is debugging.Unknown
32. Pasting code from the Internet into production code is like chewing gum found in the street.Unknown
33. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.Unknown
34. Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.Unknown
35. The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.Unknown
36. The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.Unknown
37. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.Unknown
38. There is no place like 127.0.0.1Unknown
39. There is nothing quite so permanent as a quick fix.Unknown
40. There’s no test like production.Unknown
41. To err is human, but for a real disaster you need a computer.Unknown
42. Ubuntu is an ancient African word, meaning “can’t configure Debian”Unknown
43. UNIX is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully.Unknown
44. Usenet is a Mobius strand of spaghetti.Unknown
45. Weeks of coding can save you hours of planning.Unknown
46. When your computer starts falling apart, stop hitting it with a Hammer!Unknown
47. Who is General Failure? And why is he reading my disk?Unknown
48. You can stand on the shoulders of giants OR a big enough pile of dwarfs, works either way.Unknown
49. You start coding. I’ll go find out what they want.Unknown
50. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.Douglas Adams
51. I think we agree, the past is over.George W. Bush
52. In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.Coco Chanel
53. In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.Andy Warhol
54. In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.Robert Frost
55. It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.Douglas Adams
56. It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.Walt Disney
58. Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.Voltaire
59. Just don’t create a file called -rf.Larry Wall
60. Knowledge is power.Francis Bacon
61. Let’s call it an accidental feature.Larry Wall
62. Linux is only free if your time has no value.Jamie Zawinski
63. Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.Bill Gates
64. Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window.Steve Wozniak
65. Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition.Monty Python
66. On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.Peter Steiner
67.One man’s constant is another man’s variable.Alan J. Perlis
68. People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.Faith Resnick
69. Perl – The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.Keith Bostic
70. PHP – Yeah, you know me.PHPaughty by PHPature
71. The future is here. It is just not evenly distributed yet.William Gibson
72. The greatest performance improvement of all is when a system goes from not-working to working.John Ousterhout
73. Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.Linus Torvalds
74. Sour, sweet, bitter, pungent, all must be tasted.Chinese Proverb
75. Stay hungry, stay foolish.Whole Earth Catalog
76. The artist belongs to his work, not the work to the artist.Novalis
Funny programming quotes
- The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit. (Anonymous)
- Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file. (Louis Srygley)
- Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable. (Ralph Johnson)
- The best method for accelerating a computer is the one that boosts it by 9.8 m/s2. (Anonymous)
- I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing. (Oktal)
- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. (Gerald Weinberg)
- There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. (Alan J. Perlis)
- Ready, fire, aim: the fast approach to software development. Ready, aim, aim, aim, aim: the slow approach to software development. (Anonymous)
- It’s not a bug – it’s an undocumented feature. (Anonymous)
- One man’s crappy software is another man’s full-time job. (Jessica Gaston)
- A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. (Doug Linder)
- Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. (Martin Golding
- Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. (Michael Sinz)
- Deleted code is debugged code. (Jeff Sickel)
- Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen. (Edward V Berard)
- If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. (Edsger Dijkstra)
- Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released. Beta is Latin for “still doesn’t work. (Anonymous)
- Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning. (Rick Cook)
- It’s a curious thing about our industry: not only do we not learn from our mistakes, but we also don’t learn from our successes. (Keith Braithwaite)
- There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses. (Bjarne Stroustrup)
- In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion. (Anonymous)
- The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren’t there. (Gordon Bell)
- The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking state to the working state. (J. Osterhout)
- The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late. (Seymour Cray)
- Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job. (Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering)